The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Partnering with another human is “risky business” full of big decisions, big emotions, negotiations, and changes. We often feel like we are stuck in a pattern or engaging in unknown territory.
Do you and your partner keep having the same fight; and when it’s done, you don’t even remember what it was about?
Perhaps you’ve been married or partnered for a while, and precious time that used to be reserved for your relationship is now allotted to work, children and other responsibilities.
Perhaps unresolved feelings are so built up that you don’t feel comfortable expressing your marriage problems openly or don’t know how to have honest discussions anymore, especially if confrontations often lead to silence or unhelpful outbursts.
Have unexpected events, such as an affair, career change or loss of a loved one, put a strain on a relationship you thought could survive anything?
Do you feel detached and alone in the partnership?
Are you on the brink of giving up? You may be considering divorce counseling, so that you can save on lawyer costs and have an amicable separation from your spouse.
We don’t learn how to engage in “conflict intelligently” in school. In fact, studies show that we learn most of our conflict patterns from movies and our primary caregivers. Conflict is not a sign a relationship is not working, in fact conflict is healthy and can lead to intimacy. Conflict is a process, and learning how to conflict intelligently helps stop negative patterns and promotes strength and intamacy.
Couples therapy can be one of the most rewarding experiences where you can connect deeply with your partner while learning about your desires, needs and how to communicate them.
Our relationship was drowning. We had gone to several couples therapists over the years, but our work with Kristen Beau Howard was different. We got to the emotional core of our patterns and were able to learn new ways of “intelligent conflicting”, something I never even knew was possible. Honestly, the respect we have in our marriage now, even when deep in conflict, is incredible. I am so grateful for her time and work as it redirected us back to love.