Every single one of us is fighting our own battle. Maybe some battles are more profound than others, but we are all fighting. We have broken bones, hearts, memories, and dreams. The more we brush aside the pain and suffering, the more we numb out the feelings of joy, contentment, or love. That is the paradoxical nature of life: by embracing the yucky emotions, the yummy emotions become more frequent. I hope these four reasons will help you:
- FILL UP YOUR OWN CUP
With the speed of movement in our world today, it is so easy to reach out for something objective in the moments that feel more empty, quiet, or alone. The cup feels empty so we fill the cup with text messages, Facebook, shopping, alcohol, tv, or relationships that don’t fulfill us. The hope is that these things will fulfill us, but what a dangerous path, one that always leads to feelings of more emptiness.
Here’s the thing: You have to fill your own cup. Whatever you didn’t get and need, you have to give to yourself. If you didn’t get praise, give yourself praise. If you didn’t get love, show yourself some love and compassion with kind thoughts and doing things that make you feel good about yourself. If your home didn’t feel safe, create a safe and secure home as an adult.
- BE KINDER TO YOURSELF
Now that you are filling up your own cup, it’s time to be kinder to yourself for being YOU. So you are human and you make mistakes; you fall, you repeat patterns, and you are emotional. You are not a lizard nor a fly. You are not even a colorful peacock. YOU ARE HUMAN, and humans do human things. Someone a long-time ago started a very bad rumor. The rumor was that perfection is attainable.
Here’s the thing: Perfection is an illusion. Humans connect with other humans through imperfections, and our imperfections make us unique. Imperfections create love, compassion, and connection. Be kind to yourself for being the unique you that you are. You are the one and only unique you in the whole wide world, and we need you!
- BOUNDARIES ARE ESSENTIAL
Drawing perimeters around you, with all your needs, values, and beliefs, is essential. Boundaries, draw the lines of where you end and other people begin. Other people’s negativity, crap, issues, stuff is their stuff, and you don’t have to carry it for them. Only you have the control to allow how much hurt you allow into your life. Of course, some things in life are uncontrollable, but with boundaries, you might just find it liberating to know you are the star, leader, and conductor, at how much hurt you allow into your life.
Here’s a tip: write down your values (such as: compassion, humility, integrity, loyalty, etc). Are the people in your life paralleling your values? Are they treating you the way you would like to be treated, the way you deserve to be treated as the unique human you are? If not, this is the start to communicating and changing your boundaries. Isn’t it empowering to know you have the power to reduce the hurt in your life?
- YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOU
This one can be a tough one to practice and understand! Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they are believe them” and it’s so true. Accepting people for who they are can be freeing for both yourself and others.
Here’s the thing: You first have to accept who you are before you will ever be able to accept others for being who they are. We can only change ourselves, and we can’t change anyone else. By dropping the expectations for people to be different, life becomes a whole lot less frustrating and disappointing